Posted By Christina M on April 27, 2009

You tried so hard to forget. You were too small to deal with it, so you hid it away, to protect yourself. It was all the protection you could give yourself, because those you needed and trusted most betrayed you. They didn’t defend you when you needed them most. You cried yourself to sleep so many times you felt like your eyes were permanently swollen. But you knew you had to be strong, or you would never survive. So you put on an armor, a shield behind which you hid the pain and fear.

And you felt betrayed by God Himself. Big, strong Father who was supposed to love you and protect you didn’t stop this terrible thing from happening. He didn’t put people in your path who understood, who could help, and you were left to learn to deal with it all alone.

If God was a betrayer, you reasoned, it was only right to lead others away from this big, unsympathetic father who was all harsh and didn’t care. And now, so many, many years later, you’ve almost forgotten why you struggle so hard against your Daddy. You’ve almost forgotten. You’ve almost convinced yourself you’ve forgiven. But that anger — that righteous anger at those who would harm a child — is still there. And you have tried very hard to use it for good, by protecting others from the betrayer who doesn’t care.

The only problem with that reasoning is that He does care. He has cried with you over the betrayal you suffered. He knows, and he has put people in your path who love you so, so, so very much that even though they know they cannot approach your anger directly, they pray for you every day. They pray that your pain will be eased. They pray that your healing will one day soon be complete. They pray that one day you will stop running from love.

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed;

save me, and I shall be saved;

for thou art my praise. (Jeremiah 17:14)

Your Father loves you with the love you have craved with all your being.

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